Not The Mama

Does anyone besides me remember that show, Dinosaurs? Anyway, the baby dinosaur only loved his mother and since all of his points of reference came from her, he would call his father "Not The Mama" instead of dad. The mother never seemed to correct him. Lest my point escape me, I'll get right to it. Even though moms are about as good as you can get, fathers have an equally important role in positively impacting children. Unfortunately, in the age of absentee sperm donors and scorned mothers, the relevance of a father's role is often lost. This seems to cause a lot of women to think they can do it all. No doubt, single mothers have a hard way to go and they do way more than their fair share when it comes to raising the children. However, mothers are not fathers. I know it's probably not popular for me to say so, but I think it's wrong for a woman to say she was both a mother and a father to her children. I'm sorry to burst bubbles, but mommies can't be daddies and vice versa.

There was a specific plan in place when the family was designed and just as two people are required to create a life, those same two are required to nurture that life. I believe that both the mother and the father have duties that are specific to their genders. They have experiences and knowledge that only a mother or father could pass on to a child. It is when a child misses out on the presence of one or the other that a void is created. Certain information is missing. Certain experiences are lost and this negatively impacts the child. I think it also causes the child to be just as bitter as the single parent is.

I love my mother to death. I had a terrible, deadbeat father and am totally grateful that my mother was there to take care of me and attempt to pick up some of his slack. However, she mothered me. She didn't father me because she just couldn't. I missed some things due to his lack of interest or concern in being a parent. It certainly wasn't my mother's fault but I think some of it might have been had she spent those years raising me complaining and ranting about how she was a mother AND a father to me. My mom was one of the smart ones. She knew she mothered me like no other would or could and that mothering is what helped me turn out to be the fussing, ranting, complaining, blogger I am today. She also knew she wasn't being a dad to me.

I suppose I just think women, and men who single parent, need to think carefully about the words they say and what those words really imply. I'm sure there are ways to make one's children feel whole without inserting bitter opinions about his/her sorry other parent or an entire gender. There must be a method in which the primary caretaker can feel appreciated without negating the role of the other parent even if that presence is missing from the household. Just a thought.