Jig Dancin' for Dollas

From the time I was a child I was taught about the importance of doing well in school so I could grow up and "get a good job". So during my educational endeavors I always tried to picture myself as a gainfully employed "fill in the blank". Whatever I imagined involved me wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase on my way to my job at Snoozeville Incorporated. As a child these imaginings seemed normal. I figured it was what all grown ups did because I never saw or heard of any other option.

Now I am in my mid-thirties. I've had "good job" after "good job" and have been miserable on every last one of them. My saving grace arrived two years ago when it occurred to me what I really wanted to do. That knowledge lead me to return to school and now I have a definite plan. Though I am very excited about my future, there have been plenty of naysayers who are caught up in what I like to call the "good job mentality".

As a state worker I am supposedly afforded health care at a reasonable cost, a fairly stable job (despite over a year and a half of furloughs), and a decent retirement providing every last cent of those funds do not evaporate by the time I'm sixty two. And while this job is alright for now, I know my purpose and it doesn't end with me retiring from this place twenty five years from now. For some reason when I tell black folks of my plan to leave the state in about two years, they become bug-eyed, throw up their hands, and say, "You can't quit 'yo good job"! I can't even begin to express how disgusted this makes me or how disheartening it is to know that my own people can't see my vision. I completely understand the importance of job security and the paramount nature of saving for retirement and I would never be stupid enough to just leave a job with no plan in place. However, there is more to me and in me than what I'm doing now and my purpose cannot be found anywhere in this place.

For years our fears and self-imposed limitations as black folks have kept us from taking the risks necessary to reach our individual success. We are afraid to die and even more afraid to live. In between the two, we work crap jobs because that's what we've been taught to do. Though I'm sure the ancestors mean well, I firmly believe what we should be telling our children is "educate yourselves and create your OWN way". The time has come for us to stop stifling our own growth because we are afraid to jump off the ledge and fly. I don't think I'm better than anyone and I don't think I'm too good for this "good job"but I believe we should encourage one another's dreams and help one another reach them.

That said, I will NEVER tell any niece, nephew, or child of mine to get a "good job". I want the upcoming generations to aspire to be more than the status quo - even if that means leaving a really "good job".

You Darkies Need to LIghten Up

The other day on CNN I saw a story about the high school graduation rate for black boys being below 50%. I've read reports about the disparity in pay and promotion in the workplace between whites and blacks. I know the housing market demise mostly effected people who look like me and I know I still have to operate under a different set of rules in the professional arena because there is an expectation of me being ignorant, unprepared, and incompetent. Knowing all these things doesn't keep me from having a sense of humor. If anything, my amusement levels have gone up because most times I have to laugh to avoid a mental breakdown. Nonetheless, I maintain a status of equal parts laughter, rage, and struggle because I cannot in good conscious ignore all that ails people who look like me.

After reading the transcript of Laura Schlessinger losing her mind with a black caller who called about dealing with racism from the friends of her white husband the other day, I considered many of the things she said during her bigoted rant. One thing that stuck out for me was her telling the black female caller that if she couldn't take a joke, she didn't need to be in an interracial relationship. I mean, why should one still get angry every time she is discriminated against based on race, addressed with racial slurs, or disrespected because she isn't white? What exactly do YOU PEOPLE want? Shouldn't the fact that she's "in" with the white crowd based on her husband's whiteness help her get over all her silly feelings of racial oppression? Well, Laura, I have to say the answer is a resounding HELL NO.

Tiring of the negative assumptions, stupid questions (How often do black people wash their hair? If that your real hair? What does "junk in the trunk mean"? Don't you just love that Barack Obama?), and stereotypical beliefs about black folks, Jade reached out to someone she thought could provide a morally sound piece of advise. Instead, she was insulted, attacked, and made to feel as if her feelings were unwarranted by yet another one of those people who insists that black folks are really just too uptight about this whole "race thing". I mean, we have a black president now which means America is no longer a racist place, shouldn't you people be happy? Again, Laura, I have to say, NO.

Though I will always maintain my pride and God given joy, I will NEVER sit in satisfaction as long as young black boys are dropping out of high school at an alarming rate, threats are being made against the man elected President simply because his whiteness has been entwined with black DNA, and young black women are walking around believing the hype that they are irrelevant and fit to be nothing more than some man's punching bag or ho. You see, it's hard to lighten up when one's reality can be so dark. It's hard to behave as if all is well when there are those who seek to destroy every good thing one has just because they can. So beneath the smiles and laughter remain agony. Behind the jokes lurks the rage and it is dark- just like my skin.

Now That's Using Your Noodle

Times are hard. I've heard that phrase ever since I was a little girl but didn't really understand its meaning until I became an adult who had to pay her own way. With the current economic status of this country, I now find myself using the phrase all the time. I know people who have been laid off after years of service to an employer. I have coworkers who have lost their homes and I am among a plethora of my contemporaries who now find robbing Peter to pay Paul a part of daily existence. Yeah, it's definitely rough out there.

I find the situation is most noticeable when I'm in the grocery store. When I write my list I am always thinking about how I can get the most food for the least amount of money and what dishes I can cook that will last a minimum of 3-5 days. In keeping with the more bang for my buck goal, I often travel down the same aisles each month. A few days ago I noticed something very telling about how American's pockets are being emptied by this crisis; the noodle aisle was sparse. Boxes had been emptied and turned over, noodle remnants were all over the floor, and there was a large crowd of shoppers congregating around the remains. Knowing the flavor of Top Ramen and its copycats, I can't imagine those people were gathered there for the decadent taste explosion that is the cheap noodle. Instead, these people were on the noodle aisle as a means of surviving.

With pay cuts, furloughs, a diminishing job market, and rising costs in housing, it is no wonder we've been reduced to using the ramen noodle as a culinary staple. I know things are bad when even peanut butter and jelly has become a delicacy. It all makes me wonder how long I'll have to live this ramen existence and what the "better" version of this current situation will look like. In the meantime, I'll keep the water boiling.