Monday, June 15, 2009

Word Up

Over the years I've heard more than my share of people misusing words in general and terms dealing with race, hate, and discrimination specifically. Considering what we may be facing for the next four years, I just thought it would be helpful to clarify the meanings of words that will undoubtedly be coming up quite a bit in the near future. This way, we can all be well informed and educated when it comes to how we choose to hate! Seriously, it helps to know what we're talking about prior to opening our mouths. Believe me, life is much simpler that way. So, here are some words to learn:



  • Racism - 1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
    2.a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
    3.hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

I know it may not be popular to say so, but by the dictionary definitions I've found, racism is not specific to any one race of people and is not required to involve the ability to oppress other races unlike one's own. So, sorry black folks, but you too can be a winner! It's time to stop thinking that black folks aren't racist just because we don't have the same resources and pull to keep another race down. The fact that one believes his or her race is superior to one or all other races is enough to make one a card carrying member of the Racist Club. We cannot use color to preclude ourselves from membership. Shocking as it is, 'tis the truth y'all. Deal with it.



  • Discrimination - 1. The act of discriminating.
    2. The ability or power to see or make fine distinctions; discernment.
    3. Treatment or consideration based on class or category rather than individual merit; partiality or prejudice: racial discrimination; discrimination against foreigners.

So this is when one thinks about something or someone or even a "group of someones" and makes a decision in support of or against based on certain characteristics. Discrimination is why I won't date the dude with the Bill Cosby sweater and windbreaker pants. I take one look at him and despite his possible charm, wit, and baby-makin' practice abilities, I refuse to give him a chance because his clothing game is not up to par in my book. Now, to be quite honest, discrimination is not always a bad thing. It's discrimination that saves me from dating someone else's husband, walking in dark alleys by myself in the middle of the night, or from investing in General Motors. Unfortunately, it is also discrimination that may keep me from getting certain jobs or from being able to rent certain apartments or borrow money from certain institutions. The fact that we discriminate at all is not a problem. As a matter of fact, it is a tenet of survival. However, the fact that we discriminate based on age, race, gender, weight, and a whole host of other physical attributes with regard to places to live, schools to attend, and businesses to work is where the problem seems to reside.




  • Bigotry - 1. stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
    2. the actions, beliefs, prejudices, etc., of a bigot.
    a. bigot- a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

Alright, to put this in some of the simplest terms I can think of, a bigot is like Kathy Bates as Bobby Boucher's mother in the Waterboy. She filled Bobby's head up with all matter of tomfoolery, hogwash, ballywho, and gobbledegook and taught him to be distrustful, resentful, and argumentative with anyone who told him differently. Football was the devil, girls were the devil, and any professor who tried to tell him something different about the anatomy of the brain was the devil. Bobby's poor country mama was a big fat bigot. Archie Bunker was also a bigot (and my favorite one I might add). He didn't like anything or anyone that thought, acted, or looked differently than he did. A bigot has absolutely no room in his or her heart for acceptance, tolerance, or any of the other "be kind to one another" tactics some of us may have been taught.




  • Prejudice - 1. an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.
    2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
    3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, esp. of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.
    4. such attitudes considered collectively: The war against prejudice is never-ending.
    5. damage or injury; detriment: a law that operated to the prejudice of the majority.

When I was in elementary school, I learned to simply define prejudice as pre-judging someone or something. Many times we are not comfortable with a group of people or certain types of situations due to previous information we have received whether it be from the news, word of mouth, or firsthand experience. What I find to be true is that a lot of prejudice is based on stereotypes of someone or something. If we have been told by several people we know and trust that all people with brown hair are cannibals, we are prone to believe it and have an unhealthy fear or dislike for our brown-haired friends assuming that at any time, he may kills us, cut us, up, cook us, and finally, eat us. It's prejudice that makes us assume all Asian people are good at math or that all blondes are idiots. Of course it is completely unfair to make such a broad sweeping generalization given that none of us know all Asians or all blondes. Yet we still judge people in advance based on what we've heard from others or what our past experiences have been.


Now, all of these characteristics can be abominations on their own but together, they can serve to make the lives of others a living hell. These traits cause wars, deaths, collapses of businesses, destruction of families, and the tearing down of nations. And, while they are completely awful, they all are different from one another and warrant understanding a little better. With the "change" that we have experienced in America due to the last Presidential elections, the realist in me expects to see many of the qualitites increase or simply show up more often in some of our citizens. I figure if we can recognize it, perhaps we can work to counteract it. Hopefully we'll be fit for the fight.



Tuesday, June 2, 2009

So Why Are You Single?

Since I’ve been trying my hand at internet dating and even before that, men I meet always seem to ask the same ridiculous question; “So, why are you single?” Every time it’s asked, I take a deep breath and try to calm myself while removing all remnants of stank from my tone before responding. It’s just a question that makes me feel so frustrated.

First off, doesn’t the fact that I’m an active member of an internet dating site imply that I’m A) open to dating and B) single (more than likely)? Furthermore, aren’t those men on there so they can meet a single woman and perhaps make some kind of romantic connection? All these things lead to me think that a man should be saying something like, “I’m glad you’re single right now so I can have the chance to get to know you…” Well, maybe nothing quite that corny but you get my point. It is pretty annoying to have a potential suitor sigh, then ask in a disapproving tone why the woman he is looking to pursue hasn’t already been caught by some other guy. I mean, where is the logic?

Second, being single is not comparable to having some incurable disease. For those who aren’t surprised when they find out I’m single, there are those who seem disgusted that I am single and content to be so. They ask the question with their faces scrunched up and in that tone that says, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to meet somebody?” While meeting “the one” is a very appealing idea, I have to say that I am quite content in my current state (insert shock here). I like myself. I like my life. I love all the good friends I have and the little bit of a social life I enjoy. I work, I go to school, I engage in some fun every now and then. Hell, I can think of a whole lot worse ways to live so why is it that men sometimes ask the “Why are you single” question as if I’ve caught something terminal? Since when did singleness become a disease? I don’t wake up in the morning, turn over realizing there is nobody next to me and suddenly begin to weep. And though this may be surprising, I don’t cry myself to sleep at night due to the realization there isn’t a man who will be joining me. Truth be told, I sleep quite well and probably best when I’m sleeping alone. Perhaps it’s a symptomof the single person’s disease I’ve contracted. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m actively dating for a reason. I’m hoping for the same connection that many others want. I love love. I think it’s wonderful when two people connect in a real way and really enjoy one another’s presence. I love to be able to sit in silence with someone without feeling awkward or out of place. It’s that comfortability factor that appeals to me. However, even without that, my life feels full and the fact that I’m hoping this man will eventually find me doesn’t prevent me from living my life to the fullest. I’m not waiting for this guy so I can begin to live. I’m waiting for him so we can put our two lives together and make something even more special than what we already have. To the untrained eye, this seems like crazy talk but trust me; all single people are not that way because they caught Singleitis.

So, while I know men won’t stop asking me this stupid question, I continue to dream of the day when it will be stricken from all pre-dating conversation. Until then I’ll continue to swallow the stank and answer with my usual, “I’m single because I’m not taken”. I figure that answer makes as much sense as the question.