Since I’ve been trying my hand at internet dating and even before that, men I meet always seem to ask the same ridiculous question; “So, why are you single?” Every time it’s asked, I take a deep breath and try to calm myself while removing all remnants of stank from my tone before responding. It’s just a question that makes me feel so frustrated.
First off, doesn’t the fact that I’m an active member of an internet dating site imply that I’m A) open to dating and B) single (more than likely)? Furthermore, aren’t those men on there so they can meet a single woman and perhaps make some kind of romantic connection? All these things lead to me think that a man should be saying something like, “I’m glad you’re single right now so I can have the chance to get to know you…” Well, maybe nothing quite that corny but you get my point. It is pretty annoying to have a potential suitor sigh, then ask in a disapproving tone why the woman he is looking to pursue hasn’t already been caught by some other guy. I mean, where is the logic?
Second, being single is not comparable to having some incurable disease. For those who aren’t surprised when they find out I’m single, there are those who seem disgusted that I am single and content to be so. They ask the question with their faces scrunched up and in that tone that says, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to meet somebody?” While meeting “the one” is a very appealing idea, I have to say that I am quite content in my current state (insert shock here). I like myself. I like my life. I love all the good friends I have and the little bit of a social life I enjoy. I work, I go to school, I engage in some fun every now and then. Hell, I can think of a whole lot worse ways to live so why is it that men sometimes ask the “Why are you single” question as if I’ve caught something terminal? Since when did singleness become a disease? I don’t wake up in the morning, turn over realizing there is nobody next to me and suddenly begin to weep. And though this may be surprising, I don’t cry myself to sleep at night due to the realization there isn’t a man who will be joining me. Truth be told, I sleep quite well and probably best when I’m sleeping alone. Perhaps it’s a symptomof the single person’s disease I’ve contracted. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m actively dating for a reason. I’m hoping for the same connection that many others want. I love love. I think it’s wonderful when two people connect in a real way and really enjoy one another’s presence. I love to be able to sit in silence with someone without feeling awkward or out of place. It’s that comfortability factor that appeals to me. However, even without that, my life feels full and the fact that I’m hoping this man will eventually find me doesn’t prevent me from living my life to the fullest. I’m not waiting for this guy so I can begin to live. I’m waiting for him so we can put our two lives together and make something even more special than what we already have. To the untrained eye, this seems like crazy talk but trust me; all single people are not that way because they caught Singleitis.
So, while I know men won’t stop asking me this stupid question, I continue to dream of the day when it will be stricken from all pre-dating conversation. Until then I’ll continue to swallow the stank and answer with my usual, “I’m single because I’m not taken”. I figure that answer makes as much sense as the question.
First off, doesn’t the fact that I’m an active member of an internet dating site imply that I’m A) open to dating and B) single (more than likely)? Furthermore, aren’t those men on there so they can meet a single woman and perhaps make some kind of romantic connection? All these things lead to me think that a man should be saying something like, “I’m glad you’re single right now so I can have the chance to get to know you…” Well, maybe nothing quite that corny but you get my point. It is pretty annoying to have a potential suitor sigh, then ask in a disapproving tone why the woman he is looking to pursue hasn’t already been caught by some other guy. I mean, where is the logic?
Second, being single is not comparable to having some incurable disease. For those who aren’t surprised when they find out I’m single, there are those who seem disgusted that I am single and content to be so. They ask the question with their faces scrunched up and in that tone that says, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to meet somebody?” While meeting “the one” is a very appealing idea, I have to say that I am quite content in my current state (insert shock here). I like myself. I like my life. I love all the good friends I have and the little bit of a social life I enjoy. I work, I go to school, I engage in some fun every now and then. Hell, I can think of a whole lot worse ways to live so why is it that men sometimes ask the “Why are you single” question as if I’ve caught something terminal? Since when did singleness become a disease? I don’t wake up in the morning, turn over realizing there is nobody next to me and suddenly begin to weep. And though this may be surprising, I don’t cry myself to sleep at night due to the realization there isn’t a man who will be joining me. Truth be told, I sleep quite well and probably best when I’m sleeping alone. Perhaps it’s a symptomof the single person’s disease I’ve contracted. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m actively dating for a reason. I’m hoping for the same connection that many others want. I love love. I think it’s wonderful when two people connect in a real way and really enjoy one another’s presence. I love to be able to sit in silence with someone without feeling awkward or out of place. It’s that comfortability factor that appeals to me. However, even without that, my life feels full and the fact that I’m hoping this man will eventually find me doesn’t prevent me from living my life to the fullest. I’m not waiting for this guy so I can begin to live. I’m waiting for him so we can put our two lives together and make something even more special than what we already have. To the untrained eye, this seems like crazy talk but trust me; all single people are not that way because they caught Singleitis.
So, while I know men won’t stop asking me this stupid question, I continue to dream of the day when it will be stricken from all pre-dating conversation. Until then I’ll continue to swallow the stank and answer with my usual, “I’m single because I’m not taken”. I figure that answer makes as much sense as the question.
1 comment:
I think I can answer your question: it's because of their EGOS....such big EGOSSSSS!!!!! Men tend to think that every woman's goal is to have a man, and they can't wrap their psyche around the notion that a woman can be content with the OTHER blessings God has bestowed.
Also, many of our fellow sisters have contributed to this perception, by behaving as if their very lives depend on finding/having/keeping a man.
I say live, laugh, love. If a man happens to fit into that somewhere, even better! If not, thank God anyway! He didn't put us on this earth to seek man, but to do his work!
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