Pretty Dead

Today I was having a discussion with a group of people about a twenty year old woman who was murdered by her father. As is the norm, we all agreed the murder was terrible and wished a long prison sentence on the father. The place where we parted ways was when one man implied her death was even more tragic because she was pretty.

Unfortunately, today wasn't the first time I'd heard such a thing. Just a few weeks ago a young woman was shot and media including the newspaper, television , and Facebook all made comments regarding how attractive the young woman was. That incident in addition to what I heard today made me wonder if the overriding school of thought is that ugly and mediocre women should start dying off so there will be more room for the pretty girls to live.

I first considered myself. Though I don't think I'm the hottest thing to walk the earth, I'd like to think I'm fairly attractive. I have all my limbs, my own teeth and hair, and am without extra appendages. I don't have warts, a hump in my back, or a butt for a forehead like a Klingon. However, despite the things I have going for myself in the looks department, I am no tall, thin, long-haired, supermodel. Apparently, this makes me a much less sympathetic candidate should I be tragically murdered.

It is amazing and often disturbing to me how much emphasis Americans place on physical appearance. We vote for people who are handsome or pretty despite our rhetoric about the importance of platforms and party allegiances. We are obsessed with TV shows that focus on fixing what the fashion and beauty industry deem as broken. Plastic surgery and weight loss plans, pills, and programs have taken over television and one can scarcely step outside without being accosted by the premise that there is really only one standard of beauty. It's no wonder why many of us have become desensitized to anyone who isn't "mainstream pretty". However, the images and implications with which we are bombarded fails to be a good enough excuse to devalue human life and tragedy based on physical appearance alone.

Every life is worth much and everyone is beautiful to someone. Of course, thinking of oneself as beautiful, despite what others say, is the first step in battling the nonsense. A healthy dose of self-confidence is a must-have though it is hard to fight against the machine that tells us there is only one way to be pretty. The more folks fight against the established standard, the easier it will be for others to understand that every life has worth and every life is indeed a beautiful one.

Real Resolve

As I mentioned around this time last year, I am not a fan of New Year resolutions. I think it's best for one to resolve to do better each day than she did on the previous one. Self improvement should be constant and shouldn't be saved up and heaped onto one day when one is expected to magically morph into a new and improved version of her previously lacking self. Most days I learn something about myself to be admired or changed and I attempt to act accordingly. That said, this year I'd like to talk about some actions I should curtail as well as others I'd like to curtailed by others.

I'd like to see a moratorium on the following:

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  Ending motivational sentences with the words, "let's go". It sounds stupid, we aren't going anywhere, and anything that mimics Sean Combs is rarely fruitful to the average person. Let's fight to end, "let's go" unless we really are leaving our present location for another.








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  Use of the word "hater". Sure, there are always those who are out to see another person fail and who rejoice in the failures of others but let's just go back to calling them enemies or just not calling them at all. Besides, everyone who corrects you, challenges you, chides you, or calls you on your b.s. is not a hater. Many times that person is your FRIEND.

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  Posting specifics on what one is eating, drinking, or cooking on Facebook as a status update. It may be delicious but trust me, NOBODY cares.

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  Major grammatical errors, misspellings, and general writing faux pas. Let us not confuse them with typos or unavoidable human error. This year I saw a person write something on Facebook about an innocent "bi-standard". This has got to stop.

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  Holding pimps in high regard. There is absolutely nothing attractive, uplifting, or morally beneficial about pimps, pimping, or being pimped. Let's stop touting the goodness of pimping and instead spend that energy extolling the goodness of teaching school, saving lives, volunteering to help the less fortunate, or even formally educating ourselves.

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  Quoting rappers, gossip sites, or your cousin's ex-boyfriend's god-sister's second child's father as reputable sources for important information. Pick up a damn book, watch the news, read a newspaper, or go to a REAL news website.

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  Avoiding activities you think are "boojie" like brunch, snow sports, ballet, plays, watching the news, or movies that don't star Katt Williams. Broaden your mind and discover something new about life outside a five mile radius of your neighborhood.

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  Over-generalizing people, places, and things. Though it may be fine for some conversations it would really behoove us to do a little research and think logically before arguing for a way to lump all things and people into one category. Step your educational game up, son.

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  Behaving as if being knowledgeable is a crime. Stupid is NOT the new smart and ignorant isn't the new well-informed. Don't spend time mocking people who are well-versed in something. This only serves to make you look like an idiot of gargantuan proportions. If you come across someone who is smart in a certain area take the opportunity to learn from him.

There are always steps one can take to improve her life. The best part about positive change is that it often influences the choices of those around us. Positivity can spread like wildfire but someone has to be willing to be the spark.