First Things First

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about choices and priorities. I realize that sometimes the results of our actions are not desired but regardless of our desires, we have to ultimately be responsible and accept the consequences of our choices. I suppose I'm mostly thinking about the moves I see people make when they are parents. For many, there seems to be no acknowledgement of the fact that having a child means certain adjustments and sacrifices must be made for the benefit of that child. When a little one comes into one's life, some parties have to be missed, some dates have to be rescheduled, and some new shoes have to go on layaway in order to assure that the child has what he needs. For some reason this thinking which should be common to all parents seems to be foreign to many.

In recent times I've seen some of the most irresponsible and damaging behavior on the part of some young parents I know. Seven year olds have no business up at ten o'clock p.m. on a school night. Children should not be sleeping on a floor or couch at some strange woman's house while hes/her father goes in the bedroom to "blow the woman's back out". As difficult as it may be to believe, children need dinner which includes VEGETABLES. They need boundaries, a clean environment, to have morals and values taught to them both verbally and by living example. Children are not just another thing to add to one's life checklist. "Okay, school, check, job, check, nice place to live, check, good car, check, 2.5 babies, check." NO! Children should not be an afterthought or another chore that needs completing. They should be a priority and a source of pride and joy. One should feel some type of sense of obligation to one's children. They aren't a plant that needs to be watered once a week. They are human beings who need love and guidance on a consistent basis. Before having children or doing the thing that brings them into existence, one should consider if going to the club, never missing a party, taking spontaneous road trips, or spending money recklessly is more of a priority than raising a child. One shouldn't feel bad if those things are more important. There is a time for all to be selfish. However, that time no longer exists once a child comes onto the scene. Raise yourself and raise your child.

The Double Standard Thing

It's the age old thing. When men have sex, they are just being men. When women do it and love it, they are whores. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if it was just something people say with no one really taking stock in it. I believe what makes it so bad is the fact that so many women internalize this theory. Why must so much guilt, pain, and agony be attached to something so good? Why does he walk away feeling like he received a great gift while she walks away tormented for giving away the one gift she can never get back? I can't say I've ever asked a man, but I have a hard time believing he sits and ponders what she thinks of him as a man or if she'll ever call him again now that he's given up the goods. Why does that next morning or even the next few minutes have to feel so bad? I suppose it would also be better if men didn't so often seem to solidify those feelings. Before sex the woman gets the kind words and warm feelings about how much fun she is, how smart she is, how much he enjoys her company... All of that seems to change the minute sex becomes involved. The calls, text messages, and emails become scarce. The time he once had seems to be taken up by any and everything else yet he miraculously can find time to get more sex from you. In all this, the flip side exists. if you don't give it up "too soon" you may be rewarded with a real relationship (since only sluts give it up) but the downside is that you have to spend the rest of the time pretending not to be too freaky or to enjoy sex too much so as not to appear like a ho. O course, should you hold out for too long, you'll risk having him sleep with "a ho" in order to satisfy his sexual appetite while he pretends to be "waiting" for you. So, in all this, does a woman ever win? Is there ever a time when it's okay for a woman to actually get to feel good about her choice instead of feeling like she got robbed? Or worse, like she's betrayed her "good upbringing" by giving into something that's supposed to make her feel good? And really, how soon is too soon? In all this, it just seems best to keep it to yourself and deny yourself the pain of the pleasure.

Commentatin'

Those who can, do. Those who can't (anymore), commentate. I've been noticing something in sports commentating for a long time but during this year's Olympics it's been even more noticeable than usual. What is the deal with commentators who are no more than overly critical, washed up, envious, haters? While I understand these people are hired not just to commentate but also to analyze, why must they comment on every damn move that seems the tiniest bit wrong? Good grief, it's just so damned annoying. "Yes, Tom, it was a pretty good dive, but Jane's pinky finger was slightly bend while her partner's pinky finger on her right hand was pointing to the west". It's enough to make me want to reach inside my tv and slap the hate out of someone. Of course, I realize what a lot of the problem is. Most commentators either competed in the sport themselves at one time or they were some athletically-challenged young person who couldn't master any sport so he/she spend time in school studying how to insult them if you can't join them. It's just all so irritating. I mean, is it really necessary to comment on every single nuance? Perhaps commentators should try something new like simply saying, "That was awesome!" followed by some much desired silence. I would really like that.

I'm Mrs. John Doe

I remember addressing my high school graduation invitations (I wrote with a quill then). When the next envelope to be addressed was for a married couple, my mother tried to correct me and tell me that it should be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I completely lost it. I told her that both the husband and wife's names weren't John so why would I address it as such? She insisted that I do it that way. I stopped arguing about it since she paid for the invitations in the first place but it was to be my first experience with something that still annoys me to no end. The tradition of addressing letters in that way was established during a time when women were considered no more than what their husbands were. Their entire existence was founded in being so and so's wife. Before that, she was her father's daughter. Although women are constantly fighting now to keep equality in gender relationships, we have at least reached the point where the majority of Americans know that a woman is her own person and not just an extension of a men. Unfortunately, there still exists that small minority who insist on clinging to the old school of thought.

Many years ago I worked in a call center. Women would call all the time and describe themselves as Mrs. or Colonel John Doe. I would politely ask, "And how can I help you today, John"? I knew I was being a smart ass but I just couldn't handle the concept of a woman refusing to acknowledge that if she didn't have anything else, she at least had her own name. I know there are many men and women who feel this type of thinking is to radical and goes against the natural order of things but I can never get comfortable with the idea that being married to a man means that I will suffer a total loss of my identity. I mean, our names are the first thing we receive that tell everyone and ourselves, who we are. The name we are given at birth follows us to death. It is more than just a word others use to call us. It is part of what makes us who we are. It is how people recognize us and relate to us. When confronted with the question, "What's in a name?", I say EVERYTHING. Once we give up that name because we don't think it's good enough, we give up a piece of ourselves. Now, I'm not so radical that I don't believe in married couples sharing a last name. I just can't imagine giving up my entire identity so it can be defined by the fact that I am married to a man.

I never again addressed a letter using the man's name as the name for both spouses. I make sure I list each first name or The Doe Family or nothing at all. Some call it being contrary. I consider it part of my silent protest.