Face/Space...It's All The Same To Me

I first learned of Facebook about a year and a half ago and was definitely not excited about it. It had already taken me long enough to get a My Space page and I was enjoying it just fine. No part of me felt the need to reach out and contact a lot of people from my past. I hated high school and have comfortably resolved that the three or four folks I'm still in contact with from that period in my life are all I need. Something about the premise of Facebook sounded so snooty that I was determined to never have a profile there. I didn't want to get sucked into Stuck Up Land. Unfortunately, I recently caved in to peer pressure. I received several email invitations, stern talking to's, and numerous promises that I would love Facebook because it's so much more "grown up" than My Space. Well, I have to say that so far, I don't see any major differences and I certainly don't feel as though I've matured beyond my years by merely having a Facebook page. If Facebook is supposed to be the new "grown up", then I must still be about 16 years old in cyber years.

Perhaps shortsightedness is interfering with my ability to see the unique opportunity I'm supposed to be experiencing with Facebook but I can't help but notice the obvious similarities. I've got friends, I can make friends with their friends should I desire, I can change my message multiple times per day, people can make comments or send me messages...so what's so grown up about that? I've gotten into a pillow fight, been sent numerous alcoholic beverages, been the recipient of a ghetto survival kit, and grooved to an old school hip hop song or two. Yeah, now that I have a concussion from the pillow fight, alcohol poisoning from the free drinks, an abusive relationship with the thug who came with my ghetto survival kit, and a twisted ankle from trying to do the Roger Rabbit, I feel incredibly adult. And, sure, I know that I'm being a bit dramatic about my Facebook experience but I'm merely trying to make the point that so far it hasn't made me feel like any more of a woman than I've always been. And, I have to say that contrary to the new popular school of thought, I still happen to like My Space.

I don't know half the people who are my friends on My Space but that's one of the things I kind of like about it. I have come across some amazing music and underground artists of all kinds. I met a makeup artist who is a really cool person. I've found out about different types of events at home and in surrounding areas. I've downloaded really good free music and found out about concert dates. I've found old friends who I really didn't mind seeing again and I did it all without arrogance, pretense, or pressure. I even found a way to connect with my estranged siblings. I have to say that My Space has been good to me and never once did I feel like I wasn't acting my age. After all, a website can't make me immature. I think that's a behavioral choice I'd have to make myself. Besides, I really think people tell themselves it's more mature to be on Facebook in order to feel better about being a member of an online social site while I can't imagine feeling funny about it at all. Next thing you know, it will all come full circle and purchasing personalized stationary, fine quality pens, and a book of stamps will be the new "mature" way to connect with others. I can't imagine what else could be next especially once all the younguns start fully invading Facebook.

In the meantime, I'll be keeping both pages. I'll enjoy my music downloads and show information on My Space and my pillow fights and drinks on Facebook. After all, it's all about the same to me.

Self Help or Help Your Damn Self?

First it was The Rules, followed by He's Just Not That Into You, followed by The Re-Education Of The Female, and now it's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I can hardly keep myself from coming unglued every time I see a new relationship book on the shelves which, interestingly enough, always seem to be aimed at women. I suppose it's mostly because we are stupid enough to run out and spend our last twenty on them while men couldn't care less what the hell we're thinking (Remember that movie, What Women Think? Well it wasn't men who went to see it.). Unfortunately, to me, all of these books not only have the fact that they are aimed at women in common, they also seem to have certain qualities that bring out the worst in the female gender.

I've yet to meet a woman who read one of these types of books without suffering from feelings of worthlessness, a lack of desirability, and a doubt in herself regarding all the qualities she possesses that make her great. Instead of turning into a well-informed, objective minded, "man savvy" woman, she becomes a desperate, game-playing, subservient, wuss who spends all her time clinging to the book's rules out of her insecurity and fear that she may lose her ultimate prize; some guy.

Now, please don't get me wrong; I fully support ALL adults seeking objective and varying opinions regarding life and love in the romantic arena. While I'm not one who is interested in reading any of the above listed books, I do believe certain publications can be helpful as can be the opinions of male friends and family members or even advice from one's clergy or therapist. However, I feel the real problem is that some women are so desperate to be loved by a man that they will listen to any yahoo with a publisher. I mean, just because a self-help book makes it to the shelves, it doesn't mean that the advice is good. When did women start running out of common sense and running into the relationship self-help section of Borders so that some guy who probably hasn't had one healthy relationship his damn self can tell them where they are going wrong? And how is it that the onus of all things romantic rests solely on the shoulders of the woman? All these books advise women to do so many things contradictory to common sense that it's no wonder the ones who rush to read them are either still by themselves and thoroughly confused as to why or in a relationship in which she's merely playing a role based upon what she read while fearing the day her facade cracks and she breaks one of "the rules" or slips into her old self after being "re-educated". After reading everything that goes against who she is, she can't tell shit from shinola or mutual interest from "he's just not that into her".

And, yes, I know full well that some women are not fit for relationships. I know we can be snide, non supportive, ball breaking, shrill individuals at times. I get that and continue to work on my own imperfections where romance is concerned. In addition to working on those, I also continue to remember everything about me that is amazing. I remember all the things that make me a great catch. I remember my ability to listen well, my desire to go the extra mile for those I love, my witty sense of humor, my fashion sense, my pragmatic approach to problems, my excellent conversational skills, my nice smooth legs, my ability to soothe, my pretty God-given cocoa skin, and the fact that I can take care of business when needed. I wish I thought about the good qualities I possess more often. Hell, I wish all women would take their positive attributes into consideration more often. The more time we spend focused on our positive personality traits instead of just what we perceive to be our flaws and the more time we spend trying to put our best AND real selves forward instead of playing the games taught to us in books, the more we will start to understand that we are truly the treasure that real men seek. Just to clarify, I'm not releasing women of all the crap we do that makes it hard for a man who wants to love us stick around but I am saying that we need to spend time thinking about what's right about us just as we spend time thinking about what's "wrong" about us.

The fact that we seem to be the only ones snatching these books off the shelves and feverishly scrambling towards the counter to purchase them tells me that we seem to be the only ones responsible for the demise of any and all relationships. According to these books, if a relationship ends it's because the woman was too fat, didn't cook enough, didn't clean enough, didn't give the proper blow job, or didn't wear slutty enough clothes around the house while engaging in the aforementioned chores. She called on day two instead of day three. She accepted the first date offer instead of playing games and pretending she had an overly booked social calendar or maybe she changed a light bulb herself without offering her man an opportunity to do so (clutch chest and gasp here). While I'm sure that all of these things may make certain men feel good about themselves and their "manliness", I don't think these actions are the answer to keeping all women in a relationship. Besides, if a woman doesn't embody these things, she'd only hurt herself by pretending to just for the sake of being with a man. I guess I'm just from the logical school of thought focused on the believe that whoever is for me will appreciate the way I look, the way I think, what I do or don't cook, and the clothes that I wear. Besides, how confident, self-assured, and intelligent is a man really if he needs a woman to do any and everything to keep him all out of fear of him leaving her? He doesn't sound like a very good find to me.

I suppose in essence, I just wish that women would stop always looking to some random author of some random relationship book to help them and instead spend some time helping their damn selves. Spend some time in self-reflection. We should spend some time turning over past relationships in our minds and the cause of their demise. Women should start thinking about what it is they believe makes them the beautiful beings that they are and stop looking to some guy who can't keep it together to help them with these things. Once we start to realize what a prize we are, we will attract the man who appreciates it all. Ladies, help your damn selves for a change.

There's More Than One Whore Here...

In the days where paparazzi follow folks around who are famous for being famous I suppose not much should surprise or irritate me but I just have to say that I'd like to give Elizabeth Edwards a "Get The Hell Out Of Here" award. While I'm more than sure that it's difficult to deal with a cheating husband, being in the public eye, and raising a family all while dealing with the concept that the end of her life is being accelerated, I still have to say that she, like many before her, has annoyed me this week.

It started with the preview on tv about her being on Oprah to talk about her "pain and humiliation". Then today, there was a brief story on her on the world news. I'm sorry, but I can think of at least twenty things off the top of my head that are far more important than this woman's husband cheating. Um, aren't we in a recession? Aren't there two wars in which we're involved? What about Wilbur The Pig Flu? Isn't that some kind of health epidemic? How in all that is happening in our world that impacts the population at large, is this woman's story relevant?

I know I probably sound mean and insensitive. Afterall, this woman has and is clearly suffering, right? Well, while I can imagine that she is experiencing some emotional angst, I just have to say that I don't care enough to want to know the details and frankly I have enough drama of my own to keep me from reveling in hers. Maybe it's just me but it seems incredibly self-indulgent to go on a mini media blitz to tell one's story of shame, infidelity, suffering, and anger as if we all don't have enough problems of our own. Lots of women have been cheated on and have figured out their paths in spite of it. What makes this woman any different? I mean, the story hasn't even been in the news for months. She actually chose to dredge it all back up for some type of sick personal gain. I highly doubt that many of us have been sitting around wondering and worrying for the past few months how she and John were getting along since the "incident".

In a segment played from her interview with Oprah, she made some sort of reference about how difficult it is to build a marriage, how women should be more respectful of other women's marriages, and that it is not okay to see someone else's situation and decide to pursue it for yourself. It seemed an uppity way to call out the mistress and tell her what a huge whore she was for chasing John Edwards. And while the sentiment may have some truth to it, I couldn't help but think that there is now more than one "whore" involved. There's the one who sought to destroy a decades long relationship but there is also one who now seeks the attention of the media and the American public in order to gain sympathy. And to me, each form of whoring is disgusting.

I understand infidelity in a marriage can be painful. Hey, I've been there myself. I just feel like good friends, good clergy, good books, and a good therapist are a much better solution than whoring one's self in front of the world. Elizabeth, I say go in the house, take a nice warm bath, pour yourself a glass of your favorite wine, put your feet up, and spend what time you have enjoying what's good about your life instead of whining to me and the rest of the world about what's wrong with it. Just a thought.