First it was The Rules, followed by He's Just Not That Into You, followed by The Re-Education Of The Female, and now it's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I can hardly keep myself from coming unglued every time I see a new relationship book on the shelves which, interestingly enough, always seem to be aimed at women. I suppose it's mostly because we are stupid enough to run out and spend our last twenty on them while men couldn't care less what the hell we're thinking (Remember that movie, What Women Think? Well it wasn't men who went to see it.). Unfortunately, to me, all of these books not only have the fact that they are aimed at women in common, they also seem to have certain qualities that bring out the worst in the female gender.
I've yet to meet a woman who read one of these types of books without suffering from feelings of worthlessness, a lack of desirability, and a doubt in herself regarding all the qualities she possesses that make her great. Instead of turning into a well-informed, objective minded, "man savvy" woman, she becomes a desperate, game-playing, subservient, wuss who spends all her time clinging to the book's rules out of her insecurity and fear that she may lose her ultimate prize; some guy.
Now, please don't get me wrong; I fully support ALL adults seeking objective and varying opinions regarding life and love in the romantic arena. While I'm not one who is interested in reading any of the above listed books, I do believe certain publications can be helpful as can be the opinions of male friends and family members or even advice from one's clergy or therapist. However, I feel the real problem is that some women are so desperate to be loved by a man that they will listen to any yahoo with a publisher. I mean, just because a self-help book makes it to the shelves, it doesn't mean that the advice is good. When did women start running out of common sense and running into the relationship self-help section of Borders so that some guy who probably hasn't had one healthy relationship his damn self can tell them where they are going wrong? And how is it that the onus of all things romantic rests solely on the shoulders of the woman? All these books advise women to do so many things contradictory to common sense that it's no wonder the ones who rush to read them are either still by themselves and thoroughly confused as to why or in a relationship in which she's merely playing a role based upon what she read while fearing the day her facade cracks and she breaks one of "the rules" or slips into her old self after being "re-educated". After reading everything that goes against who she is, she can't tell shit from shinola or mutual interest from "he's just not that into her".
And, yes, I know full well that some women are not fit for relationships. I know we can be snide, non supportive, ball breaking, shrill individuals at times. I get that and continue to work on my own imperfections where romance is concerned. In addition to working on those, I also continue to remember everything about me that is amazing. I remember all the things that make me a great catch. I remember my ability to listen well, my desire to go the extra mile for those I love, my witty sense of humor, my fashion sense, my pragmatic approach to problems, my excellent conversational skills, my nice smooth legs, my ability to soothe, my pretty God-given cocoa skin, and the fact that I can take care of business when needed. I wish I thought about the good qualities I possess more often. Hell, I wish all women would take their positive attributes into consideration more often. The more time we spend focused on our positive personality traits instead of just what we perceive to be our flaws and the more time we spend trying to put our best AND real selves forward instead of playing the games taught to us in books, the more we will start to understand that we are truly the treasure that real men seek. Just to clarify, I'm not releasing women of all the crap we do that makes it hard for a man who wants to love us stick around but I am saying that we need to spend time thinking about what's right about us just as we spend time thinking about what's "wrong" about us.
The fact that we seem to be the only ones snatching these books off the shelves and feverishly scrambling towards the counter to purchase them tells me that we seem to be the only ones responsible for the demise of any and all relationships. According to these books, if a relationship ends it's because the woman was too fat, didn't cook enough, didn't clean enough, didn't give the proper blow job, or didn't wear slutty enough clothes around the house while engaging in the aforementioned chores. She called on day two instead of day three. She accepted the first date offer instead of playing games and pretending she had an overly booked social calendar or maybe she changed a light bulb herself without offering her man an opportunity to do so (clutch chest and gasp here). While I'm sure that all of these things may make certain men feel good about themselves and their "manliness", I don't think these actions are the answer to keeping all women in a relationship. Besides, if a woman doesn't embody these things, she'd only hurt herself by pretending to just for the sake of being with a man. I guess I'm just from the logical school of thought focused on the believe that whoever is for me will appreciate the way I look, the way I think, what I do or don't cook, and the clothes that I wear. Besides, how confident, self-assured, and intelligent is a man really if he needs a woman to do any and everything to keep him all out of fear of him leaving her? He doesn't sound like a very good find to me.
I suppose in essence, I just wish that women would stop always looking to some random author of some random relationship book to help them and instead spend some time helping their damn selves. Spend some time in self-reflection. We should spend some time turning over past relationships in our minds and the cause of their demise. Women should start thinking about what it is they believe makes them the beautiful beings that they are and stop looking to some guy who can't keep it together to help them with these things. Once we start to realize what a prize we are, we will attract the man who appreciates it all. Ladies, help your damn selves for a change.
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