When A Little Bump and Grind Goes Bad

Since the initial surfacing of the dreaded R. Kelly video tape and his subsequent acquittal of all charges, I've had quite a few internal and external conversations about his situation. Sure, I had all the obvious conversations about how disgusting he is, how he is a child predator, and I even made a firm decision to not buy anymore of his music because I just couldn't see me helping to pay someone's legal fees when he is on trial for child pornography. I guess you could say I went through all the normal righteous indignations. Having said that, my attention turned to less traveled trains of thought. I wonder why A) I wasn't angry when he married Aaliyah and B) although he is just as wrong as wrong can be, what are we going to do about the thought process of the young girls who think it's okay to have sex with a grown man?

I wonder if it was the sexy mystique, the gyrating hips, that one covered up eye, and the fact that she told me that age wasn't nothin' but a number that made me feel like Aaliyah was grown up enough to marry a too grown man. When I first got word of the nuptials my initial and seemingly semi-permanent reaction was shock. I knew she was only fourteen which was way below the legal marrying age and I knew he was far from fourteen yet something in me allowed it to be shocking but not anger inducing. Why didn't I get pissed off at him for sleeping with an underage girl knowing all that I knew at that time? How could I be so ignorant as to let a few sensual dance moves and a little double entendre keep me from missing out on my opportunity to get on my soap box to preach about how unbelievably disgusting this man was for preying on the affections of a child? I guess I, like many others, got caught up in the hype. Chuck D told me not to believe it, but I failed to listen. R. Kelly didn't marry a mature, hip, sexy, sensual, talented, young woman. He married a child. I should've been livid but I wasn't. I was too busy liking R. Kelly. I was too busy swaying my hips from side to side, humming his melodies, watching his videos, and thinking about how I wanted to try out everything he was singing about to be pissed off by the fact that he married someone younger than my then, twenty year old self. Somehow I doubt that I was the only one who forgot to get mad. The media wasn't mad. BET wasn't mad. None of my friends were mad. We were just shocked that her parents ok'd something so grown up. I guess we were too caught up and maybe even too young to be angry. Somehow I think had we not been so wrapped up in his charisma, we could have saved a few more young girls from the worst kind of bump and grind. I suppose I have to be somewhat fair though. After all, he didn't do what he did without willing participants.

Something is happening with our young girls. Things are clearly amiss when a young girl willingly sleeps with a grown man and thinks it's the thing to do. What method of child rearing failed here? While I think it is unfortunate that he will not be imprisoned for his wrongdoings, I am mostly concerned about the mental prison that has captured these young girl's minds. Perhaps I'm a square, but at fourteen, I wasn't thinking about letting anyone in my pants but I sure as hell wasn't thinking about letting a grown man in my pants. Hell, at fourteen I didn't even know any grown man outside of the ones who shared my DNA. Who are these mothers and fathers and grandmothers and older siblings that are convincing these children that they can do whatever they want with their bodies even if it will cause them permanent damage? I can imagine the words of the mommas as they send their daughters out like sheep to the slaughter; "Girl you better use what you got to get what you want". What happened along life's path they has made it acceptable for a child who should be at softball practice to instead skip that and go to some grown man's house for a little afternoon delight? How did this one particular girl know what to do and execute it better than I ever could? It frightens me that R. Kelly didn't have to pursue these girls. Often times, they came to him with the full knowledge of how he got down. See, while I was too busy not being mad at R. Kelly, the babies were taking notes on what they needed to do to hook up with him. So I'm wondering what the hell we have done wrong in the child-rearing arena that has led us to this point? Just as much as he needs to be locked up and counseled, we need our daughters to get the help they need. We must go back to that place where a young girl's body was sacred and pure and her thoughts were of school and sports and maybe even the cute boy in her 3rd period class. We have to get back to the place where little girls were little girls and not babies dressed in grown woman's clothing learning grown woman lessons at ten years old. That's the place I'm from and it has sustained me well into my thirties so I can guarantee that it's a good place from which to be. Now I just need to know how we can get back there taking our babies with us...