I recently decided to remove the phrase, "I'm sorry to hear that" from my vocabulary as it applies to those I love. It's a simple phrase I've always used in sort of an absent-minded sort of way to try to describe my sorrow for someone else's misfortune. However, upon review and consideration, I've realized that this phrase doesn't really mean what I thought it did. Saying, "I'm sorry to hear that" implies that I am regretful that someone who I most likely care about bothered me by sharing his or her grief with me. To me the phrase really says, "I wish you hadn't bothered telling me this so I could avoid being hurt or possibly inconvenienced by your problem". That isn't the message I want to give my loved ones. I want them to feel comfortable coming to me even in their grief, with the knowledge that I will provide empathy or sympathy (whichever is needed) regarding the situation they are experiencing. The last thing I want is for those I love to feel as if coming to me when they are hurt is a burden. To avoid all of this, I pledge to stop using this phrase in this situation. I'm not at all sorry to hear that. As a matter of fact, thank you for having enough love for me to trust me to help ease your pain.
I will, however, continue to use this phrase where it applies.
Boss: I accidentally deleted the thirty page document you typed for me yesterday.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
See, it really does still have it's place! I suppose what I'm really trying to say is that more consideration should be given to the things we let fly out of our mouths. I don't want to be sorry to hear much else.
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