And We Have Oppasable Thumbs Too

I am so absolutely sick of hearing things about Barack Obama when it comes to his ability to string together words that make complete and coherent sentences. Right before a comment meant to disparage him or call into question his ability to lead the country, there is often an initial statement regarding his speaking abilities. "I know he is a very eloquent speaker but..." OR "Don't let his articulate speeches fool you because..." OR "I know he is capable of riling up a crowd with his fine speeches, however...". It's all so disgusting to me. When did it become better to be a presidential candidate who speaks Cro-Magnon than to be one who can actually complete a thought verbally? When was the bar lowered to the point that people are actually annoyed when a man who spent at least seven years in college can speak coherently? Well, after a little bit of consideration (I didn't really have to work that hard) I've come to the conclusion that the problem isn't that he speaks well. The problem is that he's black and he speaks well and we all know that black people don't talk like that, right?

I mean black people have cornered the market on split verbs and misplaced prepositions so where does this guy get off thinking it's okay to use proper English? Who the hell does he think he is and doesn't he know that he is destroying the reputation for which we have worked so hard? We have done all we can to convince others that we are illiterate and here he comes with his subjects and predicates ruining everything. Damn you, Barack.

The look of disgust on his opponent's faces when they mention his speech making prowess and communicative excellence says it all. They can't believe this man speaks like this in spite of being black. Well, newsflash folks, black people have been articulate for years. We also have jobs, fall in love, marry, make babies, vote, and own property now. While many have been standing around shocked that the organ grinder's monkey can not only take change and tip his hat but also SPEAK, we have been establishing languages, forming civilizations, making strides in the arts, math, and yes people, even science. We are involved in politics, civil rights movements, and commentating. And yes, we even now have opposable thumbs. I know it's shocking but there was no way to break it to you gently. I know what you're thinking though. You are wondering how I can possibly be stringing these sentences together when I am also black. The answer is easy. I had Sarah Palin help me.