Toxicity

Lately I've been wondering what it is that sometimes makes us hold on to relationships that somehow choke the life out of us. We see the signs. We know the person doesn't have our best interest at heart either because he doesn't know how or because she just doesn't care enough to try and yet, we sometimes cling to the relationship as if it possesses some semblance of normalcy when there really is nothing normal about it at all.

Maybe we do it because from childhood most of us are taught about being a good friend. We learn about sharing, respect for others who are different from us, and even compassion. Perhaps as a result of this early conditioning on loving others and treating them well, we miss the equally important message on protecting our hearts and treating ourselves as well as we treat others. I learned The Golden Rule when I was a little girl. And while it certainly provided me with an important message on how to treat everyone else, it totally missed the mark on how to treat myself. Going a bit against the grain, I have to say that if we were all to treat ourselves the way we want other people to treat us, we would see a major decline in the toxic relationship department. I believe that in our efforts to be a good person and friend, we forgo what we need in the way of nurturing and care. What good is a friendship if only one party reaps benefits and the other only reaps pain?

Unfortunately, once we recognize that a relationship is of the unhealthy variety, we have to let it go. That can be the hard part since we seem to be programmed to believe that a good friend is a friend forever. While I definitely believe this to be true, the "good friend" part must go both ways in order for the friendship to be viable. Just as we prune trees, we must prune our relationships with others in order to foster growth in our own lives. Some limbs are cut off because they are diseased while others are simply cut back so they can grow better and stronger. If only human relationships were as simple as the trees.

I believe this calls for a new Golden Rule: Demand that others treat you as well as you treat yourself and them. I'm still working out the kinks but I think you can catch my drift.