Lame Blame

The past few weeks of You Tube videos shared on Facebook and subsequent posts and discussions about "why black women can't find a good black man" have exhausted me. If it isn't Facebook, it's a talk show or special news report showing countless pathetic professional black women who are perpetually single and consequently pitiful. I am so disappointed in the way black men and women have begun to see one another and wish we would work to find a common ground instead of continuing to tear each other apart.

These days I am quite weary of all the black man/black woman bashing. All the men talk crazy about how wack black women are and all the women talk about how wack the men are and I just don't have the ability to deal with the nonsense of it all. All black women are accused of ignoring decent black men in exchange for thugs and other "n'er do wells". Black men are accused of being able to offer little more than that of an intellectual dunce with the sexual prowess of a Mandingo warrior. Together we have managed to reduce our value to little worth having.

What I see most in the break down of black relationships is a lack of personal accountability, informed assumptions, and truthful communication. Black folks spend so much time finger pointing and building up bitterness they miss their opportunities to love and be loved.

It goes without saying that men AND women are often attracted to what they shouldn't have. I love french fries and know they aren't good for me. However, they are fried, greasy, salty goodness that tastes delicious. I don't love french fries because I am a woman. I love them because I am human an salty tastes good to HUMANS. It is the same with men and women. We choose that which feels good but rarely is good for us. That's human nature, not some sort of gender predisposition.

The day we stop trying to rule one another by way of emotional manipulation, vague communication meant to keep up confusion, and an air of bravado in an attempt to ward off hurt feelings is the day we will all be better equipped for relationships with one another. If is the preconceived notions that continue to keep us apart. The more men and women buy into these misconceptions, the further apart we find ourselves.

I have never nor will I EVER look for a man. No one will ever hear me say I cannot FIND a good man because I believe the Bible when it says, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour of the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). I expect to be found, not to find. I believe that is women's first mistake. We are out of pocket from jump when we try to find someone who should be looking for us. Men are seekers and that dates back to the beginning of time. Flirting notwithstanding, I believe men and women have forgotten their rightful places in romantic pursuits. I realize that sounds "old school", but I very much believe that.

I also think as women have become overly aggressive, men have become passive, wussy, and even entitled with expectation that the women chase them. Unfortunately, women do it willingly and the cycle is perpetuated. Men begin to feel as though they are more valuable than anything as if they should be chased. They take advantage of their increased value and use it to manipulate women's affections. Women, in turn, bite the bait and chase after someone who they will never really have.

We all continue to play ourselves because we aren't prepared to perform our roles. Everything is out of order and bad behavior on both ends is often rewarded because one is handsome, muscular, curvy, tall, wealthy, etc... I hate the way we blame one another instead of figuring out what each of us can do to make our lives and our relationships better.