Wear Me Down Love

"Well there's a rose in a fisted glove. And the eagle flies with the dove. And if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." When that song comes on the radio, I find myself humming along and tapping my toes but it isn't because I agree. Frankly, it is because the music is great and the melody is catchy but in my mind, the message is terrible. As a thirty something year old woman, I, and many women I know in my age group, have received the recommendation to rethink our real or imagined list of attributes for men we want. For some, the list goes from containing things like integrity, intelligence, stability, and attractiveness to "have pulse, will travel" due to a lack of viable choices. And while I do understand stripping what one wants to the bare minimum, I don't believe long periods of singlehood are enough to convince me to lower my standards.

I'm reminded of the many episodes of Family Matters I watched in which Urkel would be the recipient of an act of kindness granted by Laura Winslow. Instead of being grateful, he'd simply say, "I'm wearing you down, Baby"! And even though she may have eventually realized she wanted Urkel, I have to say that I am nobody's Laura Winslow. If a man is missing the core qualities I'm looking for, no amount of time, money, energy, kind acts, or conversation is going to make him a viable candidate. I've had men pushed on me in the past by others who insist that being with someone who is "a little bit off" but a nice man overall is better than being single but I can't manage to see how I could live with myself or continue to fake feelings for someone who I don't even want to touch my elbow.

I do agree that one's standards shouldn't be set so high as to prevent any fallible human being from reaching viable choice status, however, I also don't think we should ultimately give up what we want all for the sake of saying we have someone. I've never just wanted someone. I want THE one and refuse to settle for less. Besides, I've tried the Urkel route and frankly, it isn't worth the effort and usually leads to Urkel getting his feelings hurt when he realizes I never really liked him in the first place.

So, to save myself and Urkel, I remain single for the time being. I want a love that builds upon the good foundation that has already been set for my life. I don't want to be with someone I don't like simply because he asked enough times for me to finally say yes out of aggravation. I want a love that elevates me and not one that wears me down.