Friday, July 10, 2009

Killer P*ssy

I tried to wait for a respectable amount of time to pass before speaking on this, and now I feel I've held my tongue long enough. Let me first say, I think it is sad and tragic that Steve McNair was murdered. I always think it unfair and evil for one person to decide that another need not live any longer. Who are any of us to decide someone should die over anything other than a case of self-defense? Regardless of the circumstances in her life, Sahel Kazemi had no right to decide that Steve McNair should die. It was not within her authority to take him away from his loved ones just because of her raging insecurities and personal financial issues. NOW, having said that, I would be remiss if I didn't speak on what I consider to be his part in all of this.
Unlike those who I consider to be mean and hateful, I don't think Steve McNair "got what he deserved". I find it entirely too cruel to say a thing like that about someone who was brutally murdered. I do, however, think that Steve fell prey to the fallout from his bad choices. He certainly wasn't the first man or woman to make a choice in a love interest that was way less than savory. I've dated cheaters, liars, those who were criminal-minded, some who were just shiftless, and even a few who had the potential to raise a hand and slap me with it. It is no more than the grace of God that kept me from being injured or financially impacted for a lifetime. And now, as I grow older, it is the wisdom God gave me that keeps me from returning to those same pitfalls. Like my mama always told me, "When you know better, you've got to do better". Sure, I could still be dating Mr. Married And Unavailable or Mr. Good Lovin' With No Job but why would I? My life experiences have taught me that neither one of those men are any good for me and that my life can in no way be enriched by dating those clowns. My self-respect, safety, and personal growth have become too valuable to me to be wasted on a man who is wack instead of wonderful. Unfortunately we all have moments when we forget ourselves. We come down with a temporary case of relationship amnesia and revert to old ways and old choices. Mr. Raggedy or Miss. Good For One Thing Only start to look good to us again. I find that this usually happens when we are depressed and feeling insecure about ourselves. There are few things that better provide us with a shallow sense of security than getting involved with someone who needs us because he is doing far worse than we are. We can throw a bone to a sorry woman and watch how it changes her life while patting ourselves on the back. It feels like a win win until the consequences start to surface.
I don't know Steve McNair's personal situation. I don't know exactly what was happening between he and his wife and I don't know what personal issues he may have been experiencing as a result of his retirement from the only career he knew. I won't even pretend to understand his plight. However, what I do understand is that he made a choice. While he probably never thought the woman he'd been wooing would murder him, he probably did know that she was wack. I mean, how often do we date someone and not know? There are always signs along the way that we choose to ignore, usually for our own selfish purposes. We suck it up for good looks, amazing sex, financial gain, or ego stroking. The downside is that these benefits are only temporary and none of those things are made to cure the very real problems we have before entering into an unhealthy relationship. For these choices, there are always consequences. The bad thing is that for Steve, the result of his choice was the loss of his life and that, to me, is the worst price to have to pay for a foolish decision.
I believe the true lesson for the living is to really consider the cost before we decide who to let into our lives. Is that sorry man or woman really the answer to our depression problem? Is a sugar daddy really who I need to date in order to get over my work furlough hump? Though I know it is easier said than done, it is a really good idea to think about what one would really be giving up for short lived pleasures. Usually one will find that it's definitely not worth it. The aftermath almost always outweighs the benefits and that's the kind of economics no man or woman can afford.

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