Best If Used By...

The other day I used the last of a bag of rice that had been sitting in my cabinet since last December. It had a flavor I didn't really care for and was not something I would buy. Instead, it was purchased by a guy I dated all of two weeks who brought it over to use for the dinner he cooked me. That delicious dinner, the great company, and the out of the ordinary conversation made me think there was promise for something that would go past the first few dates. Unfortunately, the bag of rice lasted much longer than he did.

In reviewing my "relationships" I have noticed that few have lasted past ninety days. They all start with a spark and end with a fizzle or sometimes a huge, five alarm mental and emotional fire set by yours truly leaving nothing but smoky rubble. Though I tell myself I want something long term and meaningful, I wonder if I am somehow sabotaging the process or if ninety days is about how long it takes for one to stop pretending to be a kinder, gentler version of himself and let his real tail show.

The first thirty days are wonderful. Phone conversations until the wee hours, fun dates, good morning texts, and fiery physical attraction. The next thirty seem to level out. Real life interferes and dates get cancelled or rescheduled because of work, school and family obligations. People get a little lazy because they feel they've already scored. The throughout the day texts turn into one half ass good morning text and a good night text if you're lucky. It is during this time one starts to wonder if the situation is really going to work but in the end is convinced it will because the good stuff from the first thirty must be coming back pretty soon, right?

The third month is usually a disaster. By then I've begun flirting with new prospects and collecting backup phone numbers to be called at day 91. The cute stuff done in the beginning has practically stopped, the dates are few and far between, and even the phone calls are a little light. At some point someone has farted proving the "cute" phase is over and I usually find out about his criminal record, extra kids, psycho ex, or prison record. Sometimes it's none of those things and it just fizzles out because the interest is lost and the fun is over.

So in all this reflection I keep wondering what the magical potion is to get past the expiration date. Surely there must be some secret in getting all the way to day 91. Maybe I really have just met people with whom I wasn't compatible or maybe I just don't know how to ziploc the relationship to keep it fresh for longer. Either way, from now on, I will be checking the label before I even engage.