Marching In Place

Here in Sacramento, there is a MLK march every year. Hundreds of people line up at a designated place and march to a second destination in order to commemorate the freedom marches of their predecessors. There's chanting, singing, and communing. I'm sure it's probably a beautiful thing. However, I can only guess since I don't march. Historically, marching had its place. It signified unity of thought AND action amongst black people who were in a struggle to be granted their civil rights as listed in the Constitution of this great nation. And even though people march today as a respresentation of the marches of the past, there is one very distinct difference; our forefathers marched and then went to work on a course of action while we march today then head over to the nearest IHOP for some pork and pancakes.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against marching in general. I just believe it's useless if the work ends once the walk is complete. A march should serve as a type of pep rally. It's a way to get everyone involved on the same page and show the public the one-mindedness of the mission. But after the march is over, the mission must begin. For the past two King holidays I have engaged in community service. While I do make effort to serve throughout the year in various ways, I've made a commmitment to serve on the King holiday in light of the sacrifices made for my well being and prosperity as a black American. I believe this should be an effort on the part of all people with particular responsiblity resting on the shoulders of black folks who are the direct recipients of the benefits created by the shedding of blood and other human suffering on the part of our ancestors. As a result of my fairly new commitment, I get up early on the holiday and march out of my house and on to a community center or other service related hub in order to do some work that will directly impact those in my city who are in need. I usually don't have to give up more than four hours of my day and when I'm done, I'm still able to march, should I feel so inclined. The sacrifices made on my behalf don't enable me to sleep in or spend the day on my couch catchng up on the lost episodes of my favorite show. Those before me got up early and worked late to put me in the position to live better than they ever thought possible. The least I can do is get out of step with the march in order to help someone who has fallen.

Harry Reid Between The Lines

So, we're only a few days in, and I'm already exhausted by the whole Harry Reid debaucle. I find that I'm one of few out of the black people I know who didn't find his comments offensive and don't find him to be a raging, hood wearing, card carrying, racist (Do they have even have membership cards?). And, while use of the word Negro, is a bit antiquated, I don't find it to be racist either. What Senator Reid did was something most white people seem afraid to do; he acknowledged the fact that there are many white people who judge black people based on skin tone and dialect. In the process, his comments incited fear, embarassment, and rage, most of which I see as misdirected, as usual.

I'm sure many of us have had some experience with a white person who seemed shocked and pleased with the fact that we were able to string some sentences together that made sense. This type of exchange can understandably leave one feeling more than incensed. A little over a year ago in my workplace, I had a meeting with my former director, who upon listening to me talk and reading the words I'd written in an email to him, thought he was doing me a favor by "complimenting" me on my ability to articulate thoughts and write concise prose. He wanted me to believe that he was pleased with my ability to communicate but I knew what he really meant. He was pleasantly surprised that he'd come across a black woman in my lowly position who had a more than proficient command of the English language. He was expressing his delight to find out that I do indeed speak well, read well, write well, and use both a knife and fork while eating. I didn't bother responding to him by saying I felt insulted, disrespected, and stereotyped because it wouldn't have done any good. He, like many other whites, was already deeply entrenched in the thought that black people are relatively simple-minded individuals who are good for little more than dribbling basketballs, making killer tackles, or singing and dancing like nobody's business. So yes, I know this frame of thinking exists, however, I don't believe that is the way Senator Reid was thinking when he made his comments.

Reid was taking a look at the way "his people" often think. He knew how comfortable many whites would feel with then Senator Obama and his white mother, fair skin, ivy league education, and expensive suits. He knew that for some, the closer Obama appeared to be like them, the more they'd be willing to support his campaign. Harry Reid wasn't disparaging candidate Obama. He was speaking the truth to which many whites and unfortunately, many blacks subscribe; fair-skinned black people who have little to no trace of "blackness" in their speech patterns are more palatable for the white world's taste. And, even though what he said wasn't pretty or pleasant, it was true and to me, should be the focus of our angst.

Instead of honing in on his use of the word Negro, we should be focusing our attention and energy towards the fact that in 2010 we are still being judged based on skin tone and the inferred absence of any real "blackness". White people judge us and we continue to judge ourselves within the black community by making the worst possible assumptions about our intellectual capabilities or lack thereof. Though I am not in the business of trying to change racist folks' minds, I believe we can change our own minds and attitudes the more we strive to elevate ourselves to new levels. It is up to us to create our own identity instead of falling prey to the premises of others who don't know a thing about us.

As we take ourselves to greater heights and encourage one another to succeed in more arenas than those of the sport and entertainment fields, we can set our standards high so there will no longer be shock when one comes across a literate "Negro". Instead, the surprise will come when one sees a black person who can't cut the mustard. When we change our expectations of ourselves, we no longer have to be concerned about what someone like Harry Reid has to say. Improvement comes from the inside and not vice versa.

It's Not So Hip To Be Square

I was never a 12 year old runaway or a juvenile delinquent resident of a group home. I didn't get pregnant at 16 and end up the mother of six by the age of 21. I don't have six fathers for those six babies either. I read much higher than a third grade level and I've never done any time. And though I consider myself to be pretty "normal", it seems there are little to no benefits to being a straight arrow.

In the past week or so, I've filled out several different pieces of paperwork in order to determine my eligibility for school financial aid. Four hours worth of forms later, I received an email advising me that I am not eligible for anything other than a ridiculously expensive student loan simply because I'm paid too much. Of course, the fact that I'm living paycheck to paycheck, paying all of my own bills, skimping on groceries (I'm getting a little tired of homemade soup), staying home in order to conserve gas, and doing all of these things on a furloughed income, is completely irrelevant to the government who administers the aid. They also seem to have no concern for the fact that I'm a taxpayer whose working dollars go toward paying money so that the woman with six babies and six different fathers can go to school in my place.

I just don't get it. How is it that it works to my detriment to be a responsible, intelligent, hard-working, well-read individual? Why is the fact that I haven't completely ruined my life with bad choices something that works against me when it comes to me trying to further improve the quality of my life? In all this, it truly seems as if my life would ultimately have been better had I done all the "wrong" things. There are grants for single women with a bunch of babies, grants for impoverished students living on the street due to running away, and aid for kids in foster care. And, please have no misunderstanding, I'm not saying that these people shouldn't have the opportunity to further their educations. As a matter of fact, I wish them well and love to see people rise above their adversity. However, I am saying that I work EVERY DAY. I pay taxes. I am responsible for myself and my actions. My life is not government funded and yet, when it is time for me to take advantage of the programs that I vote for and support with my tax dollars, I am turned down because my life isn't pathetic enough.

Where is the grant or scholarship for the woman who didn't get pregnant multiple times before her 18th birthday? Where is the reward for the person who made different life choices that didn't warrant assistance from welfare? Where are the food stamp cards for full time students who work part or full time consistently busting their butts to climb the success ladder? Where is the funding for the REGULAR? Each day I work to help some of the country's downtrodden better themselves. For the opportunity to help others, I am grateful. However, I'd be even more glad if the fact that this helper needs help was recognized.

There's An App For That

Since I've begun my efforts to take my educational goals to the next level by transferring to a university, I've found that there are more random and unecessary pieces of paper to fill out than I ever thought possible. A week ago, I met up with a school counselor to get some general information on enrollment and financial aid. The meeting was a simple process. I asked the questions, she provided the answers, I was sent an email with further details, and I was on my way home within an hour. Feeling good about myself and my choices, I decided to begin the "application process" as soon as I got home. Little did I know that the process would take me six hours spread out over three days.

By day two of the torturous application process, I started thinking about how much time we spend filling out slips, forms, applications, and all other silly wastes of trees. At work I have people fill out three different forms in order to get an employment ID card. To enter into the school I want to attend, I had to fill out online forms from three different websites totalling six hours of time I'll never be able to get back. Each time I go to the dentist, I have to fill out a form with the same information from the last time I was there. I can't understand why they don't just ask me if anything has changed while updating the system online.

For each thing we want to accomplish, just about each place we want to eat, the stores where we like to buy clothes, and even the schools where we are educated, there are endless forms. I wonder if there's a way to just fill out one big form that says everything that needs to be said. Businesses could all be linked to one informational network so they can pull up what they need and we could save the lives of millions of trees and save ourselves from endless hours of paperwork. I'd consider beginning the process to accomplish this, but there's probably an app for that too.

She Get It From Her Momma

I always keep a bottle of ammonia in the house even though I rarely, if ever, use it. I also have steel wool and Pine Sol in my cleaning supply cabinet. I wear gloves when I wash dishes and I sometimes speak in cliches that frankly, explain situations perfectly. Every now and then I cook a pot of beans and I always make my cornbread from scratch. When I think about it, I realize that I do all of these things because my mother did them.

As kids, we often spend our time thinking about how ridiculous our parents are and how we will do it all differently as soon as we get out of the house. We won't fold our clothes in that way, we won't put all of those silly restrictions on our children, and we'll never wear a jacket when going out into the cold air freshly showered. We won't do any of those things because we are way smarter and more evolved than our silly parents. Though I thought this way as a child, adulthood and personal responsibility changed everything for me.

As an adult, I began to see things from a different point of view. Life suddenly changed when I had to buy my own groceries and pay for my own health care. I started to budget my money. I shopped according to what I cold afford. I partied regularly, but never before my bills were paid and I made every effort to pay them on time. I discovered that beans were not just delicious, but cheap and that they make a great meal in a financial pinch. I learned that Pine Sol is not only a cleaning agent, but that it makes for a wonderful scent in the house. I have to be honest and say, I still don't know what the hell to do with the ammonia.

In my maturation, I've learned that while I still do some things differently from my mother, she was far more wise than I was able to give her credit for as a child. I often say the things she said, buy the things she bought, and subscribe to the same theories. And, I don't only do them for the sake of being like her. I do them because it turns out that they really are the very best things for me. All the time I spent planning on how to be different is now the time I spend asking her questions about what to do so that I can find more ways to be like her. It turns out that hindsight is not the only thing that is 20/20, wisdom is as well.

Just Stop It

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm not really big on New Year's resolutions. I see them as nice things to say and wonderful goals to set that will most likely be broken before reaching the end of March. However, I am still a huge advocate of the constant struggle to improve one's thinking, living, and loving. Having said that, I've compiled a list of things to STOP doing instead of the typical list of things to start doing at the onset of a new year. And, hey, why wait until January 1st? Post haste and get crackin' NOW. You'll thank me later. : )

• Stop ending all your sentences with, "Let's Go!" It's annoying, and frankly, anything that mimics Sean Combs is suspect for stupidity.
• Stop wearing leggings as pants. NO.
• Stop making sweeping generalizations about people, places, and things.
• Stop talking about what black folks don't do i.e. read, write, ski, swim, have ill-behaved children. Yes we do. Now get over it.
• Stop using Bossip and Media Takeout as your real news sources. A little CNN, HLN, Huffingtonpost, Daily Beast, or even local news never hurt (sometimes FOX News hurts, but that's a story for another day).
• Stop idolizing pimps and drug dealers as if they are upstanding pillars of society while ignoring the positive efforts of people who dedicate their lives to helping and improving the state of others such as educators, community volunteers, ministers, etc.
• Stop avoiding books that are about things other than pimps, hoes, hustlin', and screwin'. Broaden your scope of knowledge.
• Stop avoiding the use of a DICTIONARY when writing or typing anything meant for someone else to read.
• Stop disparaging those who choose to do and live better. Try jumping on that bandwagon yourself.
• Stop idolizing humans. We all blow it. Admiration Good. Obsession bad.
• Stop embarrassing those around you by behaving as if you have no class. If, in fact, you do not have any, shut your mouth and go sit down until it's over.
• Stop making excuses to avoid exercising. The is the only body you will have.
• Stop living your life according to the actions and opinions of celebrities. You don't even begin to fit in that category so don't even try to pretend.
• Stop telling yourself and others what can't be accomplished. Instead, focus on what CAN.
• STOP adding extra letters at the end of words. For example, nobody has EVER been "light-skinnedDED". EVER.

I firmly believe that the list contains goals to which we can all aspire if we are guilty of any of the infractions. I already know that this list will grow over the course of the next twelve months because we all have habits we need to quit. Let's try to start off the new year by simply stopping.

Out Of The Woods

Before I get started on my latest rant, I'd like to take a few moments to see if I can manage to care about the Tiger Woods situation......nope, still nothin'. This leads to the source of today's irritation; America's seeming fascination with the demise and humiliation of anyone who maintains a celebrity status.

Now, before anyone even has time to wonder or question me, I do not condone marital infidelity in any way. It is wrong and it is disrespectful to one's self, spouse, children, and those who are supportive loved ones. Having said that, I must also state how disgusting I find it to participate in, perpetuate, and pontificate endlessly on the Tiger Woods situation and any other celebrity situation to the point of obsession.

I'll be fair and say that I can see how one might find his drama interesting. However, once I found out that he was not greatly injured from his car accident, I no longer cared to know more. Unlike many, I've chosen to ignore the coverage. I opt to get my news from sources that realize how irrelevant Tiger's situation is to the world in general. I see headlines online and choose not to read them. I also cut people off when they try to strike up conversations with me about this man and his wayward body parts. And, it isn't all done because I feel high and mighty and possess the desire to rise above the fray. It's just because I don't care and can find little reason for anyone else to care. I don't see how it impacts my life or the lives of those around me. I don't see how it does anyone any good to know all of his personal life details, and frankly, I stay busy enough trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents, watching political coverage to find out how my vote is and isn't working for me, praying for deployed soldiers and their families, and trying to figure out how to return to my "player weight" so that I have little to no time to worry about which tart of the month has been getting the golden golf club on the side.

In my efforts to pay no mind to the foolishness, I have found that people often back pedal and defend their own interest when I say I have none. I think people feel a little embarrassed that they care and have spent time reading articles and having discussions instead of tending to their own lives. I think many of us realize there is something off about our behaviors but we often choose to bury it in our minds while continuing to do the wrong thing. We know it's shameful, but can't seem to help ourselves.

I think the main reason we enjoy watching a good demise is because it makes us feel better about our own pathetic lives. Those who cheat can look at the scenario and talk about how they would never be caught in that situation because they are way to smart to be detected. They come up with alternate courses of action Tiger could have taken in order to avoid his drama because, of course, all of them are smarter than he is. Wives and girlfriends take the time to talk about how they would NEVER be in such a situation and how they are all wise enough to know when a man is cheating on them. They say things like, "How could she NOT have known? She's not very smart." They also like to talk about how much money it would cost for him to pay for his iniquities. In all of this conversation, few talk about the humiliation and disrespect for his wife and children.

Each time one of us reads a story online, engages in lengthy debates, repeats a stupid joke, or worse, makes a purchase of a ridiculous gossip rag so that we can find out more of this man's personal business, we are contributing to the embarrassment and disrespect of his family. And, if few of us seem to care about his wife, the least we could all do is have some consideration for his children. The most we could do is have some consideration for ourselves and the junk we opt to let in our brains.

While I'm not some elitist who feels as though only "heavy" subject matter is worth discussing, I do have to say that it perplexes and disturbs me that we spend so much time rejoicing when someone else blows it. Who of us hasn't screwed something up in some kind of way? I, for one, don't need to look at Tiger Woods in order to feel better about my own life. I have committed enough of my own transgressions and have experienced redemption enough times to know that my life is a work in progress and that my time should be spent enjoying it and honing it into a thing of great worth. Once you realize you have a life of your own, it's really easy to stop focusing on the lives of others. Let's all find something else to do.