Pass The Pumice Please!

Okay, I admit that maybe I'm just a little obsessive, but I seem to be having the hardest time avoiding my need to lecture women all over town the slough the crust off their heels before wearing a pair of sandals, flip flops, or slingbacks, please and thank you. I know times are hard. The price of gas alone has all but killed my fun money. HOWEVER, I still have consistently managed to come up with the occasional five to seven dollars it takes to buy myself a pumice stone, an orange stick, and a one dollar bottle of nail polish. Yes, times are hard, but I manage. I mean, seriously, how can one afford to buy the aforementioned sandals, flip flops, or slingbacks without being able to afford the pedicure that MUST accompany them? I know my feet are my problem and I do everything I can to avoid making them someone else's. I just wish those around me would provide me with the same consideration. I don't think I'm asking too much by requesting ALL people to either take the time needed to rectify what's going on in that sandal or kindly familiarize yourself with the first pair of socks you see. It's the right thing to do.

White Privilege

I wish I would've written this but I didn't. I just thought it was something everyone should know. Mr. Wise gets it right again:

THIS IS YOUR NATION ON WHITE PRIVILEGE By Tim Wise

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're "untested."?White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.?White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.?White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.?White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.?White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a "second look."?White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.?White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.?White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.?White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a "light" burden.?And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…?White privilege is, in short, the problem.

For Those Who Need Clarification...

Something else I wish I'd written. I don't know who the real author is...

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic, different.'* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible. * If your wife is a Harvard graduate laywer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.* If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.OK, much clearer now.

First Things First

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about choices and priorities. I realize that sometimes the results of our actions are not desired but regardless of our desires, we have to ultimately be responsible and accept the consequences of our choices. I suppose I'm mostly thinking about the moves I see people make when they are parents. For many, there seems to be no acknowledgement of the fact that having a child means certain adjustments and sacrifices must be made for the benefit of that child. When a little one comes into one's life, some parties have to be missed, some dates have to be rescheduled, and some new shoes have to go on layaway in order to assure that the child has what he needs. For some reason this thinking which should be common to all parents seems to be foreign to many.

In recent times I've seen some of the most irresponsible and damaging behavior on the part of some young parents I know. Seven year olds have no business up at ten o'clock p.m. on a school night. Children should not be sleeping on a floor or couch at some strange woman's house while hes/her father goes in the bedroom to "blow the woman's back out". As difficult as it may be to believe, children need dinner which includes VEGETABLES. They need boundaries, a clean environment, to have morals and values taught to them both verbally and by living example. Children are not just another thing to add to one's life checklist. "Okay, school, check, job, check, nice place to live, check, good car, check, 2.5 babies, check." NO! Children should not be an afterthought or another chore that needs completing. They should be a priority and a source of pride and joy. One should feel some type of sense of obligation to one's children. They aren't a plant that needs to be watered once a week. They are human beings who need love and guidance on a consistent basis. Before having children or doing the thing that brings them into existence, one should consider if going to the club, never missing a party, taking spontaneous road trips, or spending money recklessly is more of a priority than raising a child. One shouldn't feel bad if those things are more important. There is a time for all to be selfish. However, that time no longer exists once a child comes onto the scene. Raise yourself and raise your child.

The Double Standard Thing

It's the age old thing. When men have sex, they are just being men. When women do it and love it, they are whores. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if it was just something people say with no one really taking stock in it. I believe what makes it so bad is the fact that so many women internalize this theory. Why must so much guilt, pain, and agony be attached to something so good? Why does he walk away feeling like he received a great gift while she walks away tormented for giving away the one gift she can never get back? I can't say I've ever asked a man, but I have a hard time believing he sits and ponders what she thinks of him as a man or if she'll ever call him again now that he's given up the goods. Why does that next morning or even the next few minutes have to feel so bad? I suppose it would also be better if men didn't so often seem to solidify those feelings. Before sex the woman gets the kind words and warm feelings about how much fun she is, how smart she is, how much he enjoys her company... All of that seems to change the minute sex becomes involved. The calls, text messages, and emails become scarce. The time he once had seems to be taken up by any and everything else yet he miraculously can find time to get more sex from you. In all this, the flip side exists. if you don't give it up "too soon" you may be rewarded with a real relationship (since only sluts give it up) but the downside is that you have to spend the rest of the time pretending not to be too freaky or to enjoy sex too much so as not to appear like a ho. O course, should you hold out for too long, you'll risk having him sleep with "a ho" in order to satisfy his sexual appetite while he pretends to be "waiting" for you. So, in all this, does a woman ever win? Is there ever a time when it's okay for a woman to actually get to feel good about her choice instead of feeling like she got robbed? Or worse, like she's betrayed her "good upbringing" by giving into something that's supposed to make her feel good? And really, how soon is too soon? In all this, it just seems best to keep it to yourself and deny yourself the pain of the pleasure.

Commentatin'

Those who can, do. Those who can't (anymore), commentate. I've been noticing something in sports commentating for a long time but during this year's Olympics it's been even more noticeable than usual. What is the deal with commentators who are no more than overly critical, washed up, envious, haters? While I understand these people are hired not just to commentate but also to analyze, why must they comment on every damn move that seems the tiniest bit wrong? Good grief, it's just so damned annoying. "Yes, Tom, it was a pretty good dive, but Jane's pinky finger was slightly bend while her partner's pinky finger on her right hand was pointing to the west". It's enough to make me want to reach inside my tv and slap the hate out of someone. Of course, I realize what a lot of the problem is. Most commentators either competed in the sport themselves at one time or they were some athletically-challenged young person who couldn't master any sport so he/she spend time in school studying how to insult them if you can't join them. It's just all so irritating. I mean, is it really necessary to comment on every single nuance? Perhaps commentators should try something new like simply saying, "That was awesome!" followed by some much desired silence. I would really like that.

I'm Mrs. John Doe

I remember addressing my high school graduation invitations (I wrote with a quill then). When the next envelope to be addressed was for a married couple, my mother tried to correct me and tell me that it should be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. I completely lost it. I told her that both the husband and wife's names weren't John so why would I address it as such? She insisted that I do it that way. I stopped arguing about it since she paid for the invitations in the first place but it was to be my first experience with something that still annoys me to no end. The tradition of addressing letters in that way was established during a time when women were considered no more than what their husbands were. Their entire existence was founded in being so and so's wife. Before that, she was her father's daughter. Although women are constantly fighting now to keep equality in gender relationships, we have at least reached the point where the majority of Americans know that a woman is her own person and not just an extension of a men. Unfortunately, there still exists that small minority who insist on clinging to the old school of thought.

Many years ago I worked in a call center. Women would call all the time and describe themselves as Mrs. or Colonel John Doe. I would politely ask, "And how can I help you today, John"? I knew I was being a smart ass but I just couldn't handle the concept of a woman refusing to acknowledge that if she didn't have anything else, she at least had her own name. I know there are many men and women who feel this type of thinking is to radical and goes against the natural order of things but I can never get comfortable with the idea that being married to a man means that I will suffer a total loss of my identity. I mean, our names are the first thing we receive that tell everyone and ourselves, who we are. The name we are given at birth follows us to death. It is more than just a word others use to call us. It is part of what makes us who we are. It is how people recognize us and relate to us. When confronted with the question, "What's in a name?", I say EVERYTHING. Once we give up that name because we don't think it's good enough, we give up a piece of ourselves. Now, I'm not so radical that I don't believe in married couples sharing a last name. I just can't imagine giving up my entire identity so it can be defined by the fact that I am married to a man.

I never again addressed a letter using the man's name as the name for both spouses. I make sure I list each first name or The Doe Family or nothing at all. Some call it being contrary. I consider it part of my silent protest.