What Happens In This House, Stays In This House

When I was growing up, my mother always gave me the speech about "keeping her business out the streets". Basically, she was telling me to refrain from sharing her household skeletons with the outside world. Lately I've been wondering if the application of this theory to the black community is doing us some damage. Recently, a friend and I were watching footage from Tavis Smiley's State of The Black Family conference. Dr. Cornel West questioned Barack Obama's loyalty and interest in the state of black people in America due to his lack of presence at the conference. A quote from his diatribe ended up in a white publication and my friend hit the roof. He was angry with Dr. West for making what he considered to be disparaging remarks about Barack in front of white folks. I wondered aloud, "if you can't talk about this kind of thing at the State of the Black Family conference, then where in the world can you talk about it"? What good would it really do for black people in leadership positions to get together in an undisclosed broom closet somewhere to discuss the problems that plague us and upon completion hope that mental telepathy will get the message out to other black people? Why would a plan to advance us need to be carried across the underground railroad? I believe that part of the reason we haven't made more progress as a race is because we concern ourselves far too much with what white folks think. Worryin' about "massa" doesn't do anything but stunt our growth. We need to worry about what our children think about us and what kind of example we are setting for them as black adults. We need to be worried about what God thinks of what we do. We need to be worried about how to make smart investments with our money and how to keep the black dollar amongst ourselves. Worryin' about white folk ought to be at the very bottom of the list. While I don't think talking about each other and our shortcomings in front of white people is the best idea, I can't help but think that our silence is part of what has kept us stagnate for so long.

Nice Guys Aren't The Only Ones Who Finish Last

Lately I've had many conversations with men and read many profile pages complaining about the fact that women seem to prefer thugs over "nice" men. Men have been wondering where all the women are who just want a regular Joe (or Jaheem for these purposes). While their arguments seem to be meant to garner sympathy and understanding, I just can't bring myself to feel sorry for them. After all, many of the men who are having these conversations are carrying them with "nice" women. Go figure.
While I do like a man who can function in the hood as well as the boardroom, I am in no way interested in a saggy pant wearing, platinum grill sportin', criminal record havin', gun totin', man. That said, I then have to wonder where all these nice men are and why they keep trying to talk to women who don't want them all the while ignoring the good women. The men who complain are just as guilty as the women they complain about. Just as so many women are prone to lovin' a thug, the men are prone to chase the ever elusive, "model chick". These women are often high-maintenance, shallow, and only interested in the man who is the flavor of the month. When she rejects him, he turns to the nice girl and starts complaining about how all women just want thugs. Excuse me, but isn't the woman you're complaining to a good woman? So fellas, the next time you complain about all the good ones chasing after thugs, maybe you should take a good look around you. You'll probably find a good woman that you passed up on your way to the closest model chick.